Oh man.

I don't feel it.

But why do I still act as such?

Damn you! Feelings of:

indebtedness
kindness
friendship
guilt
pity
hope

Goddamnit boy! Show your ruthless streak and cut her down before shit gets serious!

Don't fuck shit up now, man. Don't fuck shit up.

Eyes on the prize, bro. Eyes on the fucking prize!!!
at 02.08.10 1:45 PM | 0 comments

I feel good.

It's a new year, and I've got no hang-ups.

No more 2k9 shit! Fresh start. Clean slate. Tabula rasa.

On top of that, I'm totally driven and motivated and focused on shit that I need to do. Good job me!
at 01.11.10 6:01 AM | 0 comments

my mind speaks:

i never can tell where i am with you.

sa tagalog:

hindi ko talaga malaman kung saan ang lugar ko sa buhay mo.

but it's okay, i don't need to know. it's better that way.

maybe someday, i will.

:)
at 01.01.10 9:22 AM | 0 comments

A note for myself

pareho na silang nakahanap ng kaligayahan. good job!

i am truly, genuinely happy for both of them. at least they both got what they deserve.

does this mean i am absolved of my sins? probably not, but at least they've become easier for me to bear and non-existent on their part.

naiinggit ako. pero hindi naiinggit na hindi nila yun nahanap sa piling ko. more of naiinggit ako kase sila nakahanap na ako hindi pa.

kasalanan ko rin siguro i guess. mejo hung up pa rin nga naman kase ako sa kanya ano.

ang hirap naman kase. walang pagbabago lately sa buhay ko. nagsastagnate nanaman.

kaya ginagawan ko na ng paraan na magkaron uli ng pagbabago.

So to my future self, six months from now: If there hasn't been any change in your life the past six months, work harder to bring that change dude! It's for the best. I know you know that man. Go.
at 12.26.09 2:56 AM | 0 comments

It was one year ago

Hindi ako nagsisimba pero biglang nagsimba ako kase kasama kita.

Tapos hindi ko pinipilit na tumabi tayo ng sobra pero ewan ko nga ba kung bakit tumabi ka sakin and our arms and shoulders touched.

Tapos biglang nung Ama Namin hindi ko talaga ine-expect bigla mong kinuha yung kamay ko at hinawakan ito.

First time ko mahawakan yung kamay mo ng ganun katagal. Ang sarap ng feeling.

Sayang nga lang biglang nakita mo yung ate mo tapos sabay na kayo umuwi. Kung hindi sana ako na nag-uwi sayo.(Pero ok lang yun after naman nun lagi na kitang inuuwi)

Ang saya-saya ko lang nun. Kilig na kilig din ako ah. Grabe.

Kung alam mo lang.

Kung alam mo lang.

*****

Ako kaya?

May mga alaala ko kaya akong nakatatak sa isip mo?

:)
at 12.07.09 3:13 PM | 0 comments